Chapter 68

Soul Searching (Part 2)

Even to this day I blame myself for my mothers death. Even though the doctor’s claimed she died of natural causes, I know she died of a broken heart. Father would spend entire days standing out in the water-gardens staring at her urn.

I would sometimes leave for class in the mornings, and find him still standing there when I returned in the afternoons.

I wanted to approach him, comfort him. But I couldn’t. Not after what I had done, not after I had robbed him of his beloved wife. A pairing made out of love amongst Xaabosian royalty was a rare thing and I had snuffed it out with harsh words and cruel acts.

Jett had escaped the trappings of the palace and the air of sorrow that shrouded it. He’d been accepted in to an illustrious ‘Officer’s Academy’ and without so much as a warning he was gone, leaving me to suffer in my guilt.

What was I to do, I wondered. Who was I to turn to? Not father, he would send me away if he knew the truth. Not grandfather, the Emperor had no time for petty things as this, he would as sooner whip me for insolence than lend a shoulder to cry on.

If only I could turn back time, erase all the terrible things I said and did. If only there was someone I could turn to, someone that would listen to my pitiful attempts of apology.

Nakaia stormed through the front door. The class day was over, and by the looks of it, it had been a bad one. I remembered all the hurtful things that I had said to her, all the mean and terrible things I had done. But none stood out more than that night I made her cry.

I waited until later that afternoon before I approached her. I had no idea what to say, and anything that I said in front of the mirror just sounded stupid, forced. I stood there, saying the most pathetic things.

There was only one thing I could think of. To speak from the heart. I saw Nakaia by the grill. She’d cooked a serving of grilled fruit and was about to sit down.

“Nakaia?” I asked shyly. She looked up, and she was afraid. I was so ashamed, all of my previous actions had led to her feeling on edge every time we met.

“Ye- yes Princess?” her voice quivered in fear, unsure as to where this conversation would go.

“I… I…” I couldn’t say it. I was starting to get angry with myself. I could feel the rage surfacing, I could feel myself slipping. I looked in to Nakaia’s eyes and mouthed the words.

She stared back at me in shock. I could tell she didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded her head and started to eat her fruit. I left her alone, embarrassed that I couldn’t say the words. Why couldn’t I say the words? I slipped into my bed, tears filling my eyes.

I’m sorry…