– Part One –
What the fuck!?! Am I a Zombie? How did this happen? Where are my folks? Is Crystal okay? What the fuck!?!
Eventually I turn on the television and flick over to Channel One News. The TV is on mute at this moment, but the headline at the bottom of the screen says it all, ZOMBIE OUTBREAK???
I turn the volume up, and hear the following report from her co-anchor:
“Scientists have confirmed cases of Zombie-like symptoms, across all majorly populated continents. At this stage there has been no discovery of a cure, but the top biologists of the world are working around the clock to try and find one”
When they came back to the news anchors I remembered thinking to myself ‘Damn that chick is hot!’ I never watched the news, so I didn’t even know her name but I was undressing her with my mind when I heard a noise off screen. It sounded like a piece of equipment falling over.
The news anchor looks over to the origin of the noise, and screams at the top of her lungs. She tries to get out of her seat quickly, but topples over backwards in her haste. As she starts to crawl away, she ends up getting wrapped up in the cords. At this moment Nigel appears on screen, he’d lost his apron but was still wearing his “Eat-Me” T-Shirt and looking even more encrusted in gore. He easily catches up to the terrified woman, and sinks his teeth into the frightened woman’s exposed neck. Blood gushes out from the wound, Nigel had obviously bitten into the artery and his meal was bleeding out on national television.
It had missed my artery, which I’m not sure if that would’ve changed anything, but I was at least relieved about that much. I took off the remainder of my clothes, and was greeted with just minor cuts and bruises and another nasty gash on my right forearm. I assumed that I’d tried to fend off Nigel with my arm, and he’d bitten me there first before I blacked out for good, and then he got me well and truly on the neck.
TV2, Prime News, BBC and CNN, they were all the same. It was Zombie this and Zombie that, hit a Zombie over the head with a baseball bat. No cure here and no cure there, no fucking cure any-fucking-where.
At least the Simpsons were still playing on Four, I thought to myself as I flicked the channel back to catch the tail end of a Simpsons episode. They were doing one of those epic Simpsons twenty-four hour marathons, so that was kind of a blessing as I think that was the only thing that kept me sane throughout this whole ordeal… Let’s call it my ‘Origin Story’.