Chapter 7: The Beginning… (Part 3)

The Beginning…

– Part Three –

 Sleeping JoeI don’t particularly remember what happened after I realized my predicament. Obviously, I got bit. But somehow I got from work back to my folks house. I felt like shit when I woke up, and I honestly thought that this was just a nightmare, and it was still the 18th, of March. The newspaper on the living room table dated the 18th, solidified that thought.

 Joe Wakes UpEmpty BedCrystal wasn’t sleeping next to me, which I was slightly concerned about. We sometimes fought when we were drinking, and when that happened Crystal would storm off in a drunken rage and catch a taxi home. The trade-off to that was that the drunken sex was amazing, if I managed to avoid pissing her off thoroughly, and the make-up sex was even better if I did cause her to run off.

 Grawn TimeI got out of bed, stretched and let out a grawn, which is a combination of a groan and a yawn, and can only be accomplished while stretching vigorously after staying in one position for too long, ala sleeping or long gaming sessions. Once I had finished my grawn, I stood up and got dressed for work. I totally couldn’t be fucked having a shower that morning, so I sprayed on a liberal amount of deodorant.

 Splash Water Thru HairI had three day old stubble, but I didn’t have time to shave so I’d have to go with the rugged look today. I splashed water through my hair, to give it at least some form of style. I Grabbed the only clean-ish work shirt I had available, sprayed it with what was left in my deodorant can and headed downstairs.

 Nigel encouraged his staff to make up their own sayings on their shirts, and I’d seen quite a few good ones like “Hell is where the heat is” with a little r above the A and the T with that funny little ^ symbol below it. But the one I had wanted to pick said “Jesus loves you. But the Devil gives you the cool shit!”, I’d seen a shirt with that saying in a Comic Book Store, in Santa Monica when I had a holiday in the States, but for some random reason I didn’t buy it.

 I’d been kicking myself ever since then, so when Nigel said he was cool with his staff being “creative” I knew exactly what I was going to write on there. Apparently, religion didn’t apply to this creative licence at Hell, which I found highly frustrating and mildly ironic, don’t you think?

 Searching the HouseI went to the kitchen to grab my car keys, but couldn’t find them anywhere. I always chuck them on the kitchen bench when I get home, so this was pretty weird to me.

Searching the House 2Searching the House 3I searched the whole house for my keys, I rummaged through my laundry baskets to see if they were in my jeans. I moved every newspaper, book and random item of clothing that was in the lounge.

Searching the House 4I checked under my bed, in my bed and I even searched the fridge, one time I put them in there for some stupid fucking reason, so it was worth a shot I thought.

Checking the FridgeWith no luck in finding the elusive keys, I decided that perhaps in my drunken state last night I’d either driven home and left them in the car, or left them in the keyhole on the front door, which had happened on more than one occasion. I opened the door, and my car wasn’t there.

Checking the CarI turned around to look at the other side of the door, and no keys their either. Oh fucking perfect!

Checking the DoorDid I leave it in town? I thought to myself. Bloody well hope not, the parking bill will be fucking huge!. Oh well, guess I’ll have to catch a taxi in to work this morning.

Calling the BossI’ll call Nigel, and let him know I’ll be late. When I called work, there was no answer. Nigel’s late again this is perfect! I said to myself as I performed a quick little happy dance.

 Happy DanceI next called North Harbour Taxi’s, and get that stupid IVR robot, which tells me my address (I think I know where I live you stupid fucking robot – but thanks anyway) and that a taxi will be there shortly. And by shortly, we all know they mean at a minimum, you’re looking at forty five minutes.

Joe ShowerKnowing that I have some extra time available, I decided to have a shower, as I did smell a little bit fresh. I raced up to the bathroom, and turned on the shower. I still can’t be fucked having a shave, but I should brush my teeth, I thought to myself; I run the tap in the sink, and at this moment I still have not looked at myself in the mirror.

Brushing teethIt takes a few moments more for this to happen, as I dick around between the bathroom and my room, fully making the most of the extra time made available to me by ordering the taxi. But when I finally do look into the mirror, my whole world comes crashing down before my milky dead eyes.

Joe Finds Out


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